Seven whole months.

Can you believe it's been that long, Ty? Seven months since you've been gone. But you know, it feels like two completely different lifetimes. Before the accident and after the accident. The two different people I've been. The two different eras.
I'm 36 weeks now, Ty. 37 weeks soon. Now that has gone fast. Isn't it funny? It seems like it's been years since I've seen you, but these months of pregnancy have flown by like they were nine days instead of nine months. I miss you, bud. I wish you could be here to feel every kick, laugh at all my craziness. I seriously can't stop thinking of all those "what if"s and those "what would you be doing if you were here"s. If you see someone on TV lose a significant other, you feel bad for them. Say you can't imagine what they have to go through. But the thing is, you really can't. Even if you try to imagine it or be empathetic, you truly have no idea whatsoever unless you're in the situation. I wish I wasn't. I wish I only had to sympathize and "not be able to imagine" what it would be like. I wish you'd be able to hold your child. I wish you'd be able to encourage me when I'm upset. I wish you were here to go through this with me. But why even wish anymore? There's no use. It does nothing. Nothing but shatter my already broken heart.
It's impossible to move on. Even though people think I have, I haven't. I still lay in bed at night and think about you. I ache for you. I cry for you. But like I said - it doesn't do much. I just miss you. A LOT. Keep staying in my dreams<3 I live for them. I love you and miss you.
Always,
Savannah.

Dear Ty,

"When the earth is grey and white, I light a fire inside - extra blanket time. It's lonely in life, designed for two. Yeah, winter time is when I most miss you."

"Sometimes it's a pair of old faded denim I know is gonna fit me like a friend. Or some radio song, you can't help but sing along, wishing they'd spin it over and over again. Could be the windows down on a Sunday drive, smell of rain on a summer night - Anything that brings a little more comfort my way. But sometimes, there's those times, it's gotta be you. I keep telling myself I'm moving on, but I'm stumbling. Believing my heart was strong enough, and now I'm wandering. But I take that leads me away just circles back to your door..." 


"The days are cold, living without you. The nights are long, I'm growing older. I miss the days of old, thinking about you... You may be gone, but you're never over."

It's been a while. I'm sorry for that. It just gets harder and harder to write these. I don't really know why. I guess it's just hard to be reminded of you every day when I wake up, with our baby inside me. I feel like it's just impossible to tell you how I feel. Being without you... It's unbearable. My life is so different compared to when you were still here. Everything has changed. Most people have pretty much moved on. I've pretended to, but you know me. I hold on to things for far too long. I just hate that I have to do this without you, and think of all those little things you would have done for me and the baby. And how excited you would have been, despite our age and our setbacks. I can't quit thinking about those what-ifs. I keep telling myself that I'm going to move on, but it's impossible. Completely. You will always be there, in my mind, in my heart, in my soul. I'm so scared about being a mom, and being a mom without you. What I've give to see you again... I'd say this all sucks, but that is the biggest understatement that could ever be come up with. I just miss of you so much. Everything reminds me of you, I see you in everything. I feel like all I can do is dream of you. So all I do is sleep. I know I need to let go, but I don't want to. I can't. I just wish I would have called you five minutes earlier, I wish I would have driven myself, I wish you wouldn't have picked up that phone. I wish you were here. I love you and miss you, Ty Ty<3 
Forever yours,
Savannah Ray.

Update!

Well it's been too long since I've last written here. Honestly there hasn't been too much to write about. School is going well. I'm keeping my grades up and I got my GPA and my class rank and they're about where I want them to be for now. I'm 34 weeks now and it's going by so fast. I can't believe I'm going to be a mom in no more than 6 weeks. I'm clueless on names, but otherwise I'm pretty prepared. The room is ready, most of his/her things are bought. I think it's a boy, but I have no idea why. I'm starting to have more and more sleepless nights and it's harder to get comfortable. I'm also eating like a pig, haha. I don't think there's much else to report! So until next time,
Savannah.