Dear Ty,

I told your parents yesterday. Their faces, Ty. They are so heartbroken. They miss you so much. 
They're as happy as anyone could be in this situation - and Rina can't wait to spoil the baby rotten. I know you would have been happy, too. Scared, but happy. And in times where I'm feeling alone, I can't stop from thinking that we would have been a happy little family, small and dysfunctional, but a family nonetheless. 
I went into your room. I probably shouldn't have, but I did. Everything was just how you left it. The pictures are still taped onto your mirror. Your pee wee football trophies are still on the bookshelf, your name engraved on the fake gold plates. Your bed is still unmade, your notebook lays open next to your guitar. Your mom said that she can't bear to move anything. It hurt, Ty. To know that you were the last one to sleep in your bed. That your fingers were the last to strum that guitar. It now gathers dust in your room. You wouldn't have ever let that happen; I remember how not many people ever remembered you without your guitar, your letterman, or your football. Your letterman hangs over your chair; It smells like you. Even just your smell sends shivers down my spine. Your things from the crash sit on your dresser in a plastic bag - your class ring, your wallet, your phone, your necklace...
Logan was being tough at first, Ty, but now everyone sees how much he's dying inside. I worry about him. He's in AEP for that fight, and on Saturday night Rina found him drunk, wandering the neighborhood. He's messed up without you, Ty. Your mom told me how she made him come inside to sober up. How he pretended he was fine, but when she turned her back, she knew he was crying.
Apparently I'm depressed now. I feel like a crazy person - I have to go to therapy. I don't want to do it. I don't want to talk about you to a stranger. I hardly even want to talk about you to my own family. 
Guess what? They announced homecoming court today. Guess who's junior princess? I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, I really don't. Logan is prince, but you will always be my prince charming. People probably voted because they feel sorry for us - I bet you would have won if you were here. I don't think I'm even going to homecoming this year. I don't really want to dress up while I'm looking fat and disgusting, and while I don't have you by my side. 
I guess that's all I have to say today... People say it gets better every day, but it's total BS.
I know I say this every letter, but I miss how it feels to be kissed by you, how it feels when you hold me and tell me things will be okay. How much I need that right now.


I love you, Ty Ty.
Always,
Savannah Ray.